Episode 93: No Regrets

Transcription notes for Episode 93 – No Regrets.

Hi, everybody, this episode is brought to you by my very own Phoenix Factor coaching program. Look, we are all trying to create that absolute perfect life. Let me show you how to do that for free in my virtual coaching strategy call. You and I are going to spend 20 minutes chatting about your desires where you want to take your business life, your health, and of course, your sex life. And then I’m going to give you tips and ideas and techniques on how to actually get that going for 2020 so you can have that absolutely perfect, amazing life you’re looking for. Now, it’s super simple. All you need to do is click on my calendly link here in the podcast notes and hop on pick your time and let’s start creating that amazing life that you’re looking for.  

[0:58] Welcome to Let’s Talk Wellness Now, I’m your host, Dr. Deb. This is where we talk about everything wellness, and learn to defy aging, and live our lives on our own terms. So you’re listening to the Let’s Talk Wellness Now Podcast where we talk about everything wellness. So I’m sitting here getting ready to talk to you guys about an episode that is near and dear to my heart that I didn’t think I would ever talk about. But I’m finding myself compelled to have a conversation with you about no regrets living. So, in 2020, just a day or two before Memorial Day, I lost my best friend to an aggressive ovarian cancer. Now my best friend and I didn’t become best friends until we were older. Later in life. We were colleagues. I was her mentor. And she and I just really hit it off. Dr. Jan and I spoke pretty much every day for 17 years. Now that’s a friendship. That’s a true friendship. Now she lived here in the same state as I did for a while. And then she decided to move back to Oregon, where she went to school and she felt like she fit in and loved it. And I was heartbroken to see her leave. But we made a pact with one another that we would stay best friends even though she was going so far away. So we did that by talking on the phone and connecting at conferences. And she and I would plan out our year and say, Okay, we’re going here and I’m going there. And can you come and meet me here. And we would see each other a couple of times a year. And it wasn’t the ideal friendship, like you have when you can sit over coffee with a friend and you can go shopping. But it was the best friendship that I’ve had as an adult woman outside of my husband. So to find out that she had a rare aggressive form of cancer, with only 10% chance of surviving a year nonetheless, was heartbreaking, was totally devastating for me. Because I knew at that moment, I was about to lose my best friend. And I’m not someone that has a lot of female friends in my life. I never have I’ve always had more male friends than female friends. So to cultivate a female relationship with someone when you’re in your 30s and you’re not used to having female relationships is a little bit of a challenge for sure. But we did it. And it was an amazing friendship and an amazing relationship that I had with someone that I could talk about medicine. I could talk about family, I could talk about my kids, we could talk business together. And it was someone that I trusted and someone that I respected her opinion. Many times I’d go to her with decisions to be made on my business. And because we both were in the same field, she could understand the stressors that I was having with making those business choices, and she could walk me through them. 

[4:51] The day I found out that I lost Dr. Jan I cried like a child unlike anything I have done in probably over 15 years. The last time I remember crying that hard, was when my dad passed away. And she was there for me. And what I realized when I lost her was how I was choosing to live my life. I was choosing to live my life by sticking my head in my business, creating more businesses, creating constant chaos in my life so that I didn’t have to face a day, or live my life with any regrets. But the regret that I was having after she had gone was the fact that I wasn’t spending enough time with my family, or creating new friendships, I was basically living my life for my business, creating businesses, so that I didn’t have to get close to people, I didn’t have to make time for people. I could just really work and I could hide away inside that work environment. And there was plenty of excuses for me to say, I can’t attend this, I can’t go to that I can’t make new friends, because-… But what I recognized was those were really all just excuses for me, so that I didn’t have to get close to people again, so I didn’t have to worry about getting hurt again. So I didn’t have to be in that awkward situation of trying to create a friendship. And I realized this shortly after she was diagnosed with cancer, and I knew I was going to lose her. And I knew I had to go out and try to make some new friends and make some new colleagues and find my team of people that I could surround myself with, that I could potentially develop a relationship with. And although it would never be like the relationship that Dr. Jan and I had, it was a relationship that would help me move on from losing my best friend. 

[7:18]  And in doing that, it’s interesting what you learn about yourself. Because at that moment of going out and having to make these friendships and talk to people and be something that I’m not, or pretend I’m someone that I’m not, was so difficult, that I questioned whether or not I was actually an introvert, or was a really as outgoing as I thought I was.

[7:44] And I thought back to some times with my family, even my cousins who I hadn’t seen in 10 years, and how awkward it felt to talk to them and how awkward it felt to get into conversations. And I didn’t know what to say. And I started to realize that I’m probably more of an introvert than I think I am. At least when it comes to relationships, and comes to things that are outside of my business comfort zone. If I could talk business, I’d have no problem. If I could talk healthcare conversations, I had no problem. But if I had to talk about life, or talk about something meaningful, that didn’t have anything to do with how their business, I was lost, I did not know how to have that conversation. I didn’t know what to talk about. Because I didn’t have anything else to talk about. My life was totally surrounded by what I did. That’s how it identified myself was by being a health care practitioner and a business owner. And everything else just fell to the side. There was no Dr. Deb. There was no Deb outside of Dr. Deb. There was just Dr. Deb. In opening this up to me and realizing what had happened. I think for the first time in a very long time I was getting in touch with me. And I had done so many courses to get in touch with myself over the last 10 years. But this was the time that I truly got in touch with me. 

[9:17] And it’s a little scary I have to tell you, when you get in touch with yourself, and you have to sit alone with yourself in your own thoughts for a while and you’re not planning something, you’re not creating something you’re not doing anything. You’re just sitting there with your own thoughts. Boy, your brain goes to a crazy place. And mine did too. And it left me sitting there going, what if everyone in my life disappeared? Who would I be? What would I do? How would I survive? It’s not until you’re in those moments, that you’re deep in thought that these things come up. 

[10:01] Fast forward to now it’s, you know, 2020 and we’re in the midst of COVID, and everybody is left alone with their thoughts, because what else is there to do, you can only binge watch Netflix for so long. You could only binge watch Hulu for so long. And everything is different. You don’t have your family, you don’t have your friends around like you normally do. And so when you’re in that moment of dissent of your thoughts, and you’re not sure where they’re going, and you’re not sure what to do with them, hey, do this.

[10:42]  Don’t regret your life. Don’t regret what you didn’t do. Don’t regret what you did do. Life is about living no regrets completely 100% living your life for you, living your life for what you want. Living your life for how you define your life, not how other people to find your life, not what other people see of you, not what other people think of you. It’s all about you. Because the last thing you want to do, trust me, is be laying on your deathbed going, I wish I would have, I should have, I could have. Because for some of us, that last moment is going to come sooner than later. And regret? It’s nothing we can’t regret our lives. We’re going to look back on this 2020. And we’re going to have regrets. There’s no doubt there’s things that we did wrong in addressing this COVID virus. And we can’t fix that. But we can fix going forward and live our lives to the fullest potential 100% no questions asked, living your life for you. 

[11:58] So I want to ask you, what is your life of no regret look like? Does it mean traveling? Does it mean leaving a job of 20 years and starting over? Does it mean starting a relationship or ending a relationship? What does living that life of no regret truly mean for you? For me, it means scaling back, which is the hardest thing in the world for me to say. Because I love scaling businesses, I love creating stuff. I love having the accomplishment of being able to take something from nothing and make it into something. But I also recognized in doing that, where I let people down. And so now I live no regretful life. I hire people to help me where I can. I don’t do things I don’t want to anymore. I make a point of spending time with my husband on a date night every week, I make a point of talking to him about things that matter. I make a point of not getting upset about things that don’t make a hill of beans of difference to anybody else. I make a point of letting people know that I’m not in the business of listening to you complain and whine if you don’t want to fix it. If you just need somebody to vent to, I’ll listen for five minutes after that you got to go find somebody else because I don’t want to deal with it. Because I am not living my life getting upset over somebody else’s garbage.

[13:35]  I’m no longer feeling guilty about not having a relationship with my sister of 30 years. I’m no longer feeling guilty about not doing everything for everybody else, and nothing for myself. I’ve created my bucket list. And I’ve shared it with people that matter to me. And they know what’s on my bucket list. They know what I want to accomplish. For whatever days I have left here on this beautiful planet we call earth. And they can either help me accomplish what’s on my bucket list, or they can get the hell out of my way. Because I’m accomplishing these things, whether somebody likes it or not. I am living my life on my terms and no one else’s. 

[14:21] I’d love to hear if you’re living your life on your terms and no one else’s. And if you’re struggling to live your life on your terms, let’s fix that. Let’s make that better. Because as productive women that are busy 24/seven, you only have the time that you have left for you and you need to make it count. So make it right, live with no regrets and make your life the miraculous thing that it truly is- a gift. 

[14:57 ] You’ve been listening to let’s talk wellness. Now podcast. An unusual episode for me to deliver to you today. But I think one that is just so extremely important for all of us to take a look at. If this episode can help someone, please share it. If you found something in this profound or something that made you think differently, please leave us a review. Even if it’s a review that this podcast is totally outside what you’ve come here to listen to I’m okay with that, too. This has been your host, Dr. Deb. Live your life with no regrets. 

[15:33]  Hey, it has been really great sharing this time with you guys on the let’s talk wellness now podcast. If this episode has helped you or you feel as though this episode would help someone else we’d love for you to leave us a review. Share this podcast and if you don’t want to miss the most exciting episodes we have coming. We’d love for you to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Google Play. Until next time, live every day to the fullest.