Natasha C. Dewhirst shares how the cycle of depletion leads to burnout. How do we get stuck in the same place? She gives tips and tricks on how to reconnect with your inner self and retrain our brains to think more positively. She reveals the one tip she would have told her younger self to avoid burnout.
Do not miss these highlights:
[06:29] The adverse effects of burnout and stress
[07:16] How burn-out led Natasha to end up in a wheelchair
[13:15] When we want to stop but we just can’t because we have people depending on us
[15:15] Women run from that masculine hard energy and lost their feminine side
[16:27] Some of the factors that can lead up to burnout
[17:45] If we spend all our energy pleasing people, we lose our own integrity and we don’t know who we are anymore
[20:06] The most important thing is the acceptance of where we are and not judging it as right or wrong
[22:42] How to retrain your thinking to stop reliving in the past
[27:08] The warning signs of burnout and the steps to healing
[38:21] The most important thing in our communities is relationships
Resources Mentioned
Gift, short meditation: Slow Down to Speed Up and you’re going to find it really helpful as it will allow you to reconnect to the calm, quiet, strong leader within you as you act as a beacon of light to your family, community and work.
What if you could improve your health & increase your productivity? Find out how with the Vibrant Female Coaching Program at https://vibrantfemale.com/traning
About our Guest:
Natasha is known as a rare, priceless find in a packed industry for getting right to the heart of her clients challenges and creating sustainable results that matter most to them. Natasha speaks regularly on the impact of adverse childhood experiences on creating a
lack of self-trust as adults and a depleted immune system. Natasha has experienced first-hand the impact of living in survival which shows up as symptoms like burnout, perfectionism, negative automatic thoughts and poor emotional wellbeing. Natasha now supports clients whose lives and business performance are also sabotaged.
After surviving a traumatic childhood, Natasha lived with PTSD and after repeating relationship patterns during her marriage she developed Chronic Fatigue and needed a wheelchair. Driven by her love of her young children Natasha healed herself from Chronic Fatigue and returned to her high-profile career supporting women in business and social enterprises.
It was only when Natasha continued dipping into burnout that she recognised the links to her hidden internal beliefs and retrained in therapy and coaching. Natasha learnt the importance of reconnecting to her body and relearning missing childhood skills to rebuild the trust broken by trauma. In doing so she was finally able to stand up for her family physically, emotionally and financially as a Female Entrepreneur.
Today Natasha is on a mission to support women who live in a constant state of survival and burnout due to faulty childhood beliefs.
Natasha is the CEO of Lead from Within Therapy and Coaching, Founder of the Learning to Be Institute and Creator of Burnout Reset and Recovery a 6-month program combining the most advanced techniques in psychology, personal development and somatic therapy, enabling hundreds of women globally to short cut their healing, freeing them from burnout, childhood trauma and stress so they become the emotionally resilient woman they were born to be.
Natasha runs a global practice from the U.K where she lives with her 2 children.
https://www.instagram.com/natasha_c_dewhirst/
Transcription of Episode #139:
Debra Muth 0:02
Welcome to Let’s talk Wellness Now I’m your host, Dr. Deb. This is where we talk about everything wellness, and learn to defy aging, and live our lives on our own terms. Welcome back to let’s talk wellness. Now, I’m your host, Dr. Deb, I have with me today Natasha C Dewhirst, who is a CEO of lead from within therapy and coaching. She is the founder of learning to be Institute and creator of burnout, reset and recovery. I can’t wait to talk to Natasha today. You know, so many times as I’ve been in practice and spoken to women, I’ve heard stories over the years of how burnt out they are from taking care of everyone else, doing everything for everyone else, and forgetting to take about take care of themselves. And this is a very common practice that happens to us. And we need to take a step back and understand why as women were such strong caregivers, and how do we help protect ourselves from truly getting burnt out and just losing the passion in life for everything that we do as women. So I want to share with you a little bit about Natasha, and then I’m going to have her jump in and tell us a little bit about herself. So Natasha is known as a rare priceless find in a packed industry for getting right to the heart of her client’s challenges and creating sustainable results that matter most to them. Natasha speaks regularly on the impact of adverse childhood experiences on creating a lack of self trust as adults, and how it depletes the immune system. She has experienced firsthand the impact of living in survival, which shows up as symptoms like burnout, perfectionism, negativity, automatic thoughts, and poor emotional well being. Now Natasha supports clients whose lives and business performances are also sabotaged. With that, let me bring Natasha on and introduce her to you guys and have her share her story with us. Today’s episode is brought to you by Vibrant Female. Now we’re all trying to build a fulfilled life. One that’s exciting, fun, and leaves us fulfilled and energized. But we don’t all have the energy the drive or the bodies we want. So I’ve created the Vibrant Female Coaching Program. And you know, I have just recorded a training on how to supercharge your life with maximum brain function, optimal energy. And yes, I’m going to say it mind blowing sex and reawaken the female goddess inside of you. Now, who wants this amazing free webinar, if you do, just hop over to vibrant female.com slash training, and it’ll be in the show notes here as well. And you can get access to this free program where you can learn all about the things that I did to regenerate my life, get the body that I want. And yes, have mind blowing sex as well, while running a business, taking care of clients and raising my family. So check us out. It’s the vibrant female health program. And it is at vibrant female calm. And for your free webinar training. It’s vibrant female.com slash training. Welcome back to Let’s Talk Wellness. Now I have Natasha with me today and you guys are in for a true treat. We are going to have a great conversation about burnout and how we get there. And she’s going to share a lot of information with not only how we got there, but how to get out of it as well. So Natasha, welcome today.
Natasha C Dewhirst 4:13
Thank you so much for having me on the show. Super excited.
Debra Muth 4:17
Thank you. So tell us a little bit about yourself. How did you become the founder of your company?
Natasha C Dewhirst 4:24
Okay, well, again, very interesting how everything kind of links back to, you know, how we take care of ourselves and where we end up. And so for me, I had a long journey playing dancing with burnout during my career. And the culmination of that which we may go into in a minute was setting up my company, because I had found that when I was in the midst of burnout that the support out there just wasn’t quite pulling me where I needed to go and I My, my doctor was fantastic. But she was, you know, she was dealing with a lot of people. And our hospital system were kind of like, Well, you know, we can’t find anything coming up in your bloods, but we can see that you’re in this place of being completely exhausted and worn out. So how about you just go rest. And you know, and I knew that there was just a bit more to it. And it took me so long to keep reading and keep listening to people thought leaders, you know, how you know, the mind and the body are connected, and how past experiences, even though we may not have seen them as particularly significant to set up these beliefs and the stories that then live our lives. And so when I really kind of held myself, and then saw how complex that journey had been, and how long it took, I was like, I don’t want anybody else to have to spend that long trying to get themselves back into where they need to be. So I felt called at that point to set up my company.
Debra Muth 6:09
Oh, that’s a great story. And I think that’s how a lot of women start their companies, right? They’re looking for our solution for themselves or their families, and they can’t find it. And a lot of amazing companies are birthed out of that problem, because we have a solution for something.
Natasha C Dewhirst 6:27
Absolutely. And of course, when you’re in burnout, or you’re completely stressed out, and you’re exhausted, you know, it’s very hard to do that research and find, and so you know, to provide that kind of weigh in and provide some easy free information for people. So they’re on the right track that, you know, it’s such a gift to offer that. Absolutely.
Debra Muth 6:48
And it really helps us get out of our hole to write because we’re looking for solutions for ourselves. If we have it, we know other people are suffering from it, too. How did you How were you able to birth a company in burnout like that so many times, that’s a struggle in and of itself to treat yourself, let alone figure out a way to help others.
Natasha C Dewhirst 7:10
Yeah, and and it wasn’t something that happened at the same time at all. So my burnout journey, I completely burnt out, I ended up in a wheelchair couldn’t leave the house, I really hit rock bottom. And I hadn’t listened for so long to the warning systems that my body was giving me the way in which I was feeling I was just doing that typical, you know, female thing of overriding it, look, when I get through this, then I’ll rest then I’ll take a break, then I’ll have a holiday. And then the next thing would come and the next thing would come. So you know, I was I didn’t birth anything when I was in that period. And then I managed to kind of find out about the mind body connection. And I started processing some childhood trauma. And all kinds of little pieces came together. And at that point, I actually went back to my career because I had a very successful career spent 20 years supporting charities and social enterprises in the health sector. And so I you know, I was just drawn straight back into that. And it was only as I was kind of dropping my children off typical story, dropping the children off, you know, getting to work in a short time frame, then delivering all day really hard, getting back in the car, short time frame, getting back, getting a kid going and doing the activities, coming home, clearing up during dinner, doing all the things that I realized how unhelpful that cycle was, and I could feel myself being pulled back into burnout. And I’d sit outside my office in the car thinking I can’t do this, I cannot get out of the car and, you know, deliver, you know, a cracking day because obviously I was very committed to what I did. And I could see then that I was you know, I was cutting self care again. And I was like, No, no, no, no, I can’t go back to that place. So it was at that point, so I was recovered, but I was dancing with burnout. And I was like, okay, you know, I know what to do now to keep Well, I know how to navigate this, this challenging path. Actually, I want to start doing that for other people. And so it was at that point, I birthed the company.
Debra Muth 9:31
Wow. That’s amazing. You know, and I’m I want to applaud you because you could have ended right back into that place of burnout. But you stopped and you recognized what was happening and you took responsibility to say, wait a minute, I’ve seen this before. I’ve been through this before. I’m not going there again. I need to make myself a priority. And so many times women don’t do that. We don’t make ourselves a priority. You
Natasha C Dewhirst 9:57
know, and you know, I could So often the whole how we’re conditioned in society. And I do think that that’s really important. But I don’t want to detract from the conversation. And so, you know, I think self responsibility was a big piece for me to learn. And I, you know, I think a lot of times during the burnout, I felt that somebody else would rescue me, somebody else would give me the answer the tablet, the course that would heal me. And I think for myself, because of my background, because of my childhood as well, there was some pieces missing for me in that self care. And that often happens not through a neglectful parent necessarily, but through life circumstances, we might have parents holding down lots of jobs, we might have an ill parent, or we might have a neglectful parent, but I really, you know, had to learn how to take responsibility for my own well being. And that wasn’t an easy path. That was a challenge.
Debra Muth 11:04
Yeah, I, I can so relate when you were telling your story about being in the car, I have a very similar story, I run a medical clinic, I have multiple businesses, and we were opening a new clinic, and it was so stressful, it just was god awful, honestly. And I was taking care of 17 staff members, we have 8,000 patients in our practice, and everything kind of fell on me. My daughter was delivering her baby, we were opening a clinic, I was building a house, and we were moving into the clinic moving into the building, and my daughter was having a baby in the same four days. And shortly after that, I, I did the same thing. I sat in my car and I was just like, I can’t go into this building. I can’t do this again, like, I know my desk is piled high, my inboxes piled full. I’m not even get through the door, and people are going to be coming to me and saying, we need this, we need that. How do we fix this? How do we fix that, and I just kind of said, I can’t do this anymore. And I put some boundaries in place because I didn’t want to burn out I had been in that place many years before and was like, I can’t go there again. And it was interesting, because when I did that, a lot of my staff decided to change positions, they were like, well, if you’re not going to be here, we’re not going to be here. And we wanted to work with you and this and that. But I it also a few years later, I realized that unfolding was me giving them permission to do what they needed to do. So they weren’t burnt out because I was giving myself permission to not be in that same place. And but it takes a little while for you to be in that place to recognize that at first it feels like my God, everyone’s betraying me because I’m standing up for myself. And that’s not what it is no, I just invited them to stand up for themselves to
Natasha C Dewhirst 12:50
Absolutely, and I love that you didn’t get lost in the story of what you could have made that mean and then it could have you know, spiral down and you could have gone down a very different road with and you know, this is a big part that shows up in our burnout is the stories that we’re carrying around with us that we don’t even know we’re kind of looking through the world and seeing life a certain way. And, you know, it’s I think when we’re in that moment of knowing I can’t do this anymore, it’s too much. It’s very hard at that point to actually stop because we have people dependent on us we have financial commitments, we have you know, our own commitments, what we’re doing. And so, we we want to stop, but we just can’t and we know that we have to but we just can’t. And then we especially as women, we feel we get kind of caught into this vicious cycle of guilt and shame, why aren’t I coping and I look around and I think everybody else is coping. And so it becomes really layered in such a complex way that change is quite hard. And I know for me, you know it was completely at odds with the mantra that I had which was just work a bit harder and you’ll get through just work a little bit harder this day that day, the weekend, you know you’ll get there and then to actually get to a place of actually when I work less I get more done when my self care is you know the highest priority then actually my my work just flows by you said I love the point that you said when i when i model the boundaries and self responsibility I give permission to other women and other people in my you know in my my, they were in your employees but in your community as well to do the same thing. And that just brings such a nicer environment for all of us instead of this very kind of you know, I’m going to use the word masculine but I’m not necessarily tying masculine Into Men. But that very hard energy of push push polish, and feminine energy of of doing things in a slightly softer way can be just as productive, but so much nicer to be a part of.
Debra Muth 15:14
I’m glad you brought that up. Because I think so many times in business as women, that’s what we do, we run from that masculine hard energy because we have to get things done. And I did that, too. When I found myself in this position, I realized, like, I’ve lost my feminine side, I don’t know who that is anymore. And so I sought out priestess, training and teacher to help me re connect with that softer energy, that feminine side, and kind of work through some of those traumas in our lives that make us hard. And as a shell for protection versus like, okay, let’s figure out what this this process taught us, and how do we grow from it, but we instead put up that protective shield. And it was, it’s such an amazing training for me to do, because it allowed me to learn that I can get a lot of things done in the business world by driving that feminine energy versus that masculine energy.
Natasha C Dewhirst 16:19
Absolutely, that’s beautiful. That’s such a lovely journey to go through. And I think that, you know, we do wear these different masks. And that sounds quite complex, but it’s really not I think, as women we do grow up with particular models. And that can be our our parents or our significant carers, it can be other people in the community that we witness, and we learn at a very young age that to be loved to be worthy, I need to be perfect. Or I need to, you know, please other people before myself, and these are all precursors to ending up in burnout. You know, when we spend our lives wearing, like this perfectionism mask, where we feel like we’re only valuable, if we are perfect 100% of the time, then we’re using so much of our energy day in day out on, you know, things that really don’t matter. But we think we might be judged on I mean, I remember my children’s birthday, somebody, they were just like, these huge kind of dramatic events, you know, because I had to have the perfect birthday. And, you know, you want to make sure your house looks nice, and all the things and then we’ve got, like, you know, when we’re people pleasing as well, because we’ve made the grown up and learn that, you know, will only be loved and accepted. If we put other people first, or someone we spend all our energy, people pleasing, we lose our own integrity, we don’t know who we are anymore. And I think, you know, we end up in, in our business, often with one of these different masks on and then we were just fulfilling a role, and we feel so fulfilled, and not being fulfilled and knowing deep down that we’re not being authentic to our true self. That also is a big factor in burnout, you know, especially in a lot of high achievers in jobs that, you know, they felt were the right careers for them. And then they’ve been doing it and they’re top of their game and they’re pushing and pushing. But they know, this isn’t writing me on this isn’t for me. And again, it takes so much energy then to stay in. Because you’re thinking Well, I have to do this because what else could I do? And you don’t have the headspace to explore that. So we just use all this energy all the time doing these, you know, fulfilling a role that isn’t ours.
Debra Muth 18:50
Yeah,you’re saying that it is and we get so stuck in Well, I can’t do anything else. I’m not good enough. I’m not qualified. I’m too old on to this. And I hear this so often I work with a lot of women in midlife, and they come to me because of their menopausal symptoms. But unfortunately, when we start unfolding things, it’s it’s so much more than that, you know, it’s all of these things that we’re talking about through our life of culmination that got us to a place where they’re not sleeping, they’re not eating, they have anxiety, they’re depressed, they’re exhausted, they’ve put on too much weight, they don’t like themselves anymore. And all of this emotional stuff comes up during this lifetime because it’s like, it’s kind of that slap in your face like, Oh my god, I’m 50 you know, and how much life do I have left? And so many times women finally get to a place where they’re saying I’m not going to live the second half of my life the way I lived my first half. They know they don’t want to do that. But they’re they’re struggling sometimes dealing with how they got there and how to unfold it. So it looks different. How would you talk? Or what would you say to those people listening that are in that position,
Natasha C Dewhirst 20:06
I think most important thing is to accept getting to that place of acceptance that we are in this place, and it’s okay. And a lot of people get to that place. Because we often beat ourselves up, or we’re ashamed, or we feel like we’ve wasted time. And that, you know, the past is is not helpful, it just makes it’s like beating ourselves with a stick is it’s really not helpful. So I think, you know, the most important thing is the acceptance, and then really just being with where they are in that moment, and not judging it as right or wrong, but just being themselves and then learning, you know, actually what lights me are, what values are important to me. And it can be such small steps at first, but really bring that mighty change with them. So definitely a message of It’s okay, and not making where you are mean anything. Because looking back, like I say, that’s just really unhelpful. And it’s just like, Okay, I’m here, and I’m going to be me, and I’m going to be in, you know, in my integrity, I’m going to live my values, and start looking at those things. I mean, you know, we live in an age where you can put anything into Google, and there’s so many amazing, you know, videos pop up, or inflammation, and you can just start a little bit of research and finding out who you are. And then when you’re ready, you know, getting a coach getting somebody to help you through those next steps and shaping, because it isn’t ever too late. I mean, I’m sure you see women as well, different, you know, in the later half of their lives, changing careers, changing focus. And almost with that comes of joy, because there’s a deep appreciation of being able to do that, and over life, bringing these new opportunities to learn something, and the excitement that comes with that. So although there’s like a nationally of fear, actually, that’s a story and to move forward with excitement.
Debra Muth 22:19
That’s a great point. I love that. Because if we keep re living the past, right, we never quite get beyond that. And so can you talk a little bit about how we retrain our thinking so that we don’t continue to relive our past like that?
Natasha C Dewhirst 22:38
Absolutely, I’d love to. So when we look back, what we’re really doing is, is almost like punishing ourselves, because we’re looking back, and we’re saying, something that’s happening now shouldn’t be, shouldn’t be happening, or something that isn’t now should be happening. So what we’re doing is we’re setting these expectations in our mind of, everything’s wrong, right now. Nothing should be there, or it isn’t. And that is like, you know, we’re just constantly going back and looking back and I if I made this decision here, or if I change that. So with my clients, what we do is we look very much at how to be kind of present in the body, and be very grounded. And I use some very simple techniques. And one of them actually is quite beautiful. It’s called catch shift and rewire it takes 30 seconds to do it’s beautiful. So if you’re somebody that ruminates a lot on the past, it’s it’s just retraining these negative automatic thoughts. And I do that with my clients in a deeper way in a convoluted hypnosis, but you can do it for yourself as well to it to a level. And so if you catch yourself, keep going back to the past, and you know, and it’s bringing you pain, because it’s your mechanical mind is survival and it’s telling you something should be that isn’t or the other way around, then just catch that a thought. And you don’t need to do anything with it. You just say I’m doing that thing again, where I’m looking back at the past. And then the next part of this tool is shifting. So what you’re doing instead of focusing on the past thing, you go, Ah, look at that, I managed to catch that thought and it’s bringing gratitude to yourself in that moment that you managed to catch yourself doing it. And then the third step I call rewire. And what you do in that moment then is I like to take if I was feeling sad if I was looking back and sad was the predominant feeling. Then you rewire to a state of joy. So you just literally in your mind focus when was the last time I felt real deep joy And it might be, you know, cuddling My child, okay, so I’m going to visualize how I feel in that moment of joy, it might be taking a walk, being out in nature, it might be being with a friend. But by embodying that joy, you’re able to kick to touch, the negative emotions that were there with the looking backwards. And the mind is really interesting like that. It doesn’t use logic to be emotion at all. So you can’t say, Don’t think like that just change your feeling. None of that works. But by bringing a better emotion in, you’re kicking out the negative emotion. So you catch the thought, you shift to a moment of gratitude that you’ve managed to do that. And then you rewire to a more helpful emotion. And then in just in 30 seconds, you can completely change and stop then being in a negative thought loop, and you can put yourself into a positive thought mode.
Debra Muth 25:59
I love that, I love that. And I think it really is, like you said about catching ourselves, right? It’s so easy to let our minds just kind of wander and do what they do. But if we catch it, we acknowledge it, and then we stop it, reframe it, it becomes easier for our subconscious to do that on its own to we won’t have to do it quite so much. And then we won’t go down those negative rabbit holes all the time, that’s so easy for us to do.
Natasha C Dewhirst 26:32
Designed for survival. So the negativity is the minds were trying to help us to survive. But that’s not really helpful for us, I really love life and thrive. When we know that mechanical, we can step just a tiny bit away from it and create that space to stand in. And when we can stand in that space, instead of being in it, we can see it for what it is. And it makes all the difference
Debra Muth 26:59
M akes a huge difference. I love that. So can you give a little advice to our our people who are listening that are in burnout? What are some things they can do, or steps that they can take towards healing themselves from burnout, or even just recognizing they’re in it for that fact?
Natasha C Dewhirst 27:18
Yeah, well, I mean, recognition at the beginning is really important. Because, you know, at some points, we can pull it back, cry and other points, we’ve just gone too far. So if you’re somebody that’s catching yourself, and you’re finding that you know, most days you’re just feeling really low, you’re kind of passion is gone. Another good one is like if your sense of humor has left the building, you know, you’re not finding anything joyful or fun anymore, then these are warning signs and then a couple of without you kind of get the physical symptoms. So you might be getting a lot of kind of stomach aches or headaches. Sore throats, your glands might be up quite a lot, you might just generally be quite, you know, tender in yourself. So if you’ve got that kind of like emotional side, where you’re feeling low, you’ve got no sense of humor, then you’ve got your physical side. And you just feel in like life, like the colors gone out of life, like lives become black and white, and you can’t see your way out at that point. That’s, that’s a warning. And, you know, what happens is if we listen to the warnings, and we take our foot off the gas, and we put some space into our lives, we can gently pull that back. But like me, I didn’t listen to the warnings. So the warnings got louder. And louder. And you literally and I not, you know, this is completely honest, I could not get out of bed. Yeah, I could now but I couldn’t sit up and brush my hair. I mean, getting a shower was like going to another country. And so you know, I guess we don’t say these things to scare people ever. But it is very serious. And so you know, if you’re in a job that’s not lighting you up, or you’re working really hard, and the relationships in the workplace can be quite toxic sometimes. Or if you’re coming home and you’re in a relationship that’s quite challenging. Or maybe you’re a single parent and you’re caring even for your own parents as well. You’ve got all these dynamics going on. But there’s a saying I like to say, you know, if we spread the jam too thin, nobody gets a taste. And so what we’re looking for is always spreading the jam too thin. And we know we know that we are Yeah, but we think we can just get through this. And sadly, in my experience, that’s when it’s snapped and I can just get through it and many other people the same. So you know, if you’re noticing that you’re colds more often, if you’re picking things up, and you can’t get rid of them quickly and you used to be able to, you know, all of these are little warning signs that things are not as they should be. And so that’s what I would be looking out for. And then I do with my clients is depending on whether they’re coming up to burnout or they’re actually in full blown burnout is I use, I use a light hypnotherapy and we try to delve into the patterns that have kind of led us to that place and the reason we do that is just to simply calm the nervous system down and just to have a kind of more of a dialogue with the subconscious rather than the conscious that thinks it noseeums so we’re delving a little bit deeper and then we’re seeing Okay, well why have I been using Why am I in burnout? Why have I been staying in that job I’m not enjoying Why have I been in this relationship that is really challenging or not not being able to resolve okay because I learned growing up that you know, for people to love me, I have to you know, I have to put their needs first or I have to be perfect to not say anything, I can’t have a voice so we start looking for those patterns that have really repeated and repeated all through our lives and when you see that chain it becomes very clear. So that’s the kind of path we go down and then we you know, I produce an audio for my clients that they listen to every day and it’s about just rewiring those neuro part pathways. So it’s just using neuroplasticity because we can change the way that we think up until the day that we die and we think that we can you know, or perhaps I’m too old now and I just need to stay with it the way it is, ah
Natasha C Dewhirst 31:54
change at any point. So you know, my clients listen to these audios and they plant positive suggestions about their energy levels about their own personal power what they’re capable of about their own worthiness about how how how they are lovable and depending on you know, on their own kind of patterns and you know that coupled with the things that you said earlier you know, the good sleep so I help my clients get that sleep hygiene back in we look at diet we look at exercise, because you know, if you’re burnt out you’re thinking well I can’t do anything and that really you know, there’s always a little something that we can do and build on and pivot slightly. So it’s just about that gradual process but for the clients that are really in burnout you know, once they get through this, they have this toolkit that you know is valuable for every area of life
Debra Muth 32:55
Yeah, we learned so much from it if we can get through the process of burnout and come out on a positive side and take what we learned from it and say okay, I’ve set my life up differently I’m putting myself first I’m taking care of myself I’m beating it well I’m hydrating it well, and I’m doing things to take care of me physically and emotionally. It is such a gift in the long run it’s not fun when you go through it by any means but it is truly a gift because you do put yourself first and you look at your life so differently
Natasha C Dewhirst 33:30
Yeah, absolutely and that can be so triggering for some people because there might be stories attached to that depending on our our backgrounds and how we’ve been brought up you know, we could feel shame I’m not allowed to put myself first that’s really selfish that’s no and and so it’s such a different journey for everybody but it is like you say that self responsibility Okay, you know what I have to fix this and to do that I need to be kind to myself and accepting and you know, start doing the things that I actually thought you know, for me I always thought self care was a bolt on okay, I can do that if I get all my jobs done I’ll go and have that bubble bath. Yeah, and I understand and so and then it’s like no, actually that is everything and then everything comes on top of that. Yeah. And it’s it’s you know, we always go back to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, isn’t it? It’s those bottom layers of you know, have I got security Have I got, you know, shelter food, then we move up? Have we got the warmth and the social relationships and, you know, to move ourselves up. It’s really learning what those building blocks look like day to day in our lives and making that commitment to keeping those laughs
Debra Muth 34:55
Yeah, you know, I think the other thing it gives us is grace going forward. You know, for me, when I was more in burnout, I expected everyone to do what I did. Well, what do you mean you can’t work harder what I mean, you can’t put in more hours. You’re just what you’re lazy, you don’t care, you’re whatever. And when I went through that process myself, I now have grace for other women. And I say, you know what, it’s okay. If you can’t do this, it’s okay. be okay with it. And, and I no longer look at them and think, Well, what do you mean? Okay, I have to pick up those pieces. No, it’s a reflection for me to say, okay, timeout, we need to look at this again, and make sure we’re creating space for every woman to be able to do what they want to do in a way that is healing, instead of a way that’s going to set them up for torture and despair and illness going down the road of their life.
Natasha C Dewhirst 35:49
Yeah,that’s so true. And I look back, and I just think, wow, I was one of those women that was setting is unachievable model for other women. Yeah. And I really regret that, you know, I would turn up picture perfect, my hair would be perfect, my clothes would be perfect, my children would be perfect, everything was perfect. And I thought that’s the way it was. And all I was doing was perpetuating this unhelpful, you know, model. And I love what you’ve just said, because, you know, for you modeling the freedom and the relief, and you know, that you give to other women is such a gift, and you get done what you need to get done. Yeah, it’s not an either or situation. And that’s what we almost conditioned to believe, okay, it only works if you’re in that masculine energy pushing and doing and hard and fast. Actually, there’s another way, we can be equally creative and productive, but it’s just such a nicer journey.
Debra Muth 36:55
It is a nice journey to see that there’s more of that femininity coming forward. There’s still a lot of masculinity in, in women and in the world, but we’re starting to see more of that softer, feminine energy come forward, and be more caring and more supportive, and more understanding and accepting of that, you know, we don’t have to be that super woman, doing absolutely everything. And being crazy about it, because that’s what it does, it just makes us crazy. And we don’t have to do that it’s okay to just sit back and say, You know what, it’s okay. If those dishes sit for a little bit, it’s okay, if I don’t vacuum that thing on the floor, right? This second, it’d be there in 10 minutes, I’m going to enjoy my tea, or my wine or my coffee, or I’m going to have this conversation with my kids that I really need to have. And when that’s done, then the other things can happen. I think so many times, especially in my generation, all that relationship stuff that’s so important is what got put to the backburner while we did all of those other things, right. And we sacrificed a lot for that.
Natasha C Dewhirst 38:05
We have a permanent way. And I think, you know, there’s not many positives of the last two years. But one really big positive is the relationships, and how we have all seen laid out in front of us that the most important thing in our communities is relationships. And, you know, that is a gift. And like you say, that was the cost of how we felt we needed to be to be working women to have a place. And we you know, we were so grateful that we had jobs or businesses and cook on our home. And now, you know, I think we are transitioning in the way that we think as a society, and we’re moving away from this needing to own things, have things do things, and we’re becoming much more content with being and being happy with what we’ve got and accepting and you know, spending time connecting. And, sadly, you know, we know that one of the biggest drivers of depression is isolation. And we’ve really seen that in for some people over this last couple of years. So I think going forward with, we’re not going to lose those lessons, we’re going to hold them closer. And, you know, women, women’s roles in communities are so valuable. And again, that’s something that almost got lost because we’re having to work and manage children and then we’re shamed. Why aren’t we baking the cakes or doing the things to the community events? And yeah, it’s just I think we’re moving into a really interesting time. I’m excited to see what’s gonna come next.
Debra Muth 39:51
Me too. Me too. So I have one last question for you. And that is this. What would you tell your younger self what advice Would you give your younger self?
Natasha C Dewhirst 40:05
So much advice for her? I mean, no, no. You know, the biggest thing I think would be, I think it would be to encourage her to sit in discomfort. I think one of the biggest things has been tapping into coping mechanisms, whether that’s the shopping or the glasses, and the bottles of wine, or whatever it might be, as a way of, I’m working really hard, really long hours. And I can’t process that. And so I’m going to reward myself in these ways that I think rewards. Instead of sitting in the discomfort of just realizing, you know, when things are hard, it’s okay for them to be hard. And to process that, and then to maybe make changes from that, I think I would definitely look back at her and encourage her to to far
Debra Muth 41:01
As I love that advice, that is great advice, because you’re so right, like, we don’t want to feel discomfort in any way, shape, or form. But it’s in the discomfort where we learn our greatest lessons, it really is. And if we can sit in that moment and reflection, I just really feel that it’s such an amazing gift for ourselves, instead of jumping out of it and getting that dopamine hit by buying the new shoes, or the new bag or the new car or looking for the new house. Those are all just distractions, so that we don’t feel what’s really going on inside of us.
Natasha C Dewhirst 41:41
Yeah, absolutely. And we’ve put so much power in our thoughts, we we’ve spent many years and generations thinking that what we’re thinking must be true, and our thoughts must rule us. And I think, you know, if I could have sat in that discomfort I would have connected to my body. So, so much better. And it took me such a long, hard journey to now read my body. And the adrenaline that is going through the cortisol that’s going through women’s bodies, especially when they close to burnout, it’s so dangerous, and to, you know, to connect to your body and feel that and to then take responsibility for processing that. And being in that discomfort, I think just would have I would have had a completely different journey.
Debra Muth 42:33
Yeah, me too. I would have had that difference as well. Well, this has been amazing conversation with you, Natasha. If our listeners are resonating with you, how do they get in touch with you and learn more about what you’re doing or work with you?
Natasha C Dewhirst 42:50
Thank you. Well, there’s lots of ways to do that I have a website. And I don’t know whether we want to pop that on the course notes. But it’s http://www.natashacarltondewhirst.com. And we’ll put it somewhere because it’s quite a bit not a lot on Instagram and give out lots of kind of tools and tips and just things that are that I wished I’d seen or heard and different messages. And you know, and I also have a really beautiful meditation, which is called slowing down to speed. And I think for any woman that’s close to burnout or dances with burnout, it’s a really nice five minutes out of your day that you can just pop it on, listen to it, and really just kind of reconnect to yourself. So I can give you the link for that as well.
Debra Muth 43:43
Absolutely. So those of you who are working out or driving, don’t worry about this. It’ll all be in our show notes. And we’ll get the link for the gift that Natasha wants to share with you guys today. This has been such a great conversation, Natasha, any last encouraging words you want to share with our listeners?
Natasha C Dewhirst 44:00
Oh, which ones to pick? I think. I think it’s about the self compassion. It doesn’t matter why you’re where you are now, it really doesn’t matter. You’ve done your best at every step of your journey with the knowledge that you’ve had. And moving forward, the more you can sit in discomfort and connect to your bodies, the healthier and happier you will be.
Debra Muth 44:25
Thank you for that so much.
Natasha C Dewhrist 44:29
You’re welcome. Thank you for having me on is such an important topic.
Debra Muth 44:33
You’re very welcome. Hey, it has been really great sharing this time with you guys on the let’s talk wellness now podcast. If this episode has helped you or you feel as though this episode would help someone else we’d love for you to leave us a review, share this podcast and if you don’t want to miss the most exciting episodes we have coming. We’d love for you to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Google Play. Until next time, live every day to the fullest.